"Well, I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see it.
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me"
One of our favorite songs, and so fitting for us now.
Matt and I agreed today that the hardest thing we've had to face in this life so far, was watching our baby girl...the one who wants us near always and hates being alone...roll through a set of double doors into the Operating Room, reaching and crying so softly for us...trying so hard to be brave and needing "just one more hug".
The doors closed and we just stood there and cried into each other right there in the hallway. I'm working so hard on walking by faith...but what if God's plan wasn't my prayer...what if I had just sent my daughter into an operating room where it wasn't going to be ok? The dark thoughts just flood your mind when fear enters, and today there was plenty of that. But, the amount of praying today for this little girl is on a level I don't think I can even comprehend. She is so very loved by so many in her 9 years...and also having the prayers of all of those people that love me and her daddy, both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, other students...the list is endless.
We sat so patiently, but hardly spoke...we just needed to be near to each other until we saw her surgeon. I hand quilted to occupy my mind (because, let's face it...I'm crazy enough without my mind racing until we saw the doctor. About two hours after starting surgery, there was the knock we had longed for...the surgery went as he expected, and he felt like this part of our journey would be successful.
Another almost hour goes by before we get to see her, and when I got to see those little peepers just for a second, my heart was like the Grinch...it grew several sizes. We're now all settled into the Pediatric ICU and have the best nurse. She's been up once already, and although afraid, she worked her way through it and as I type this, she is resting comfortably and I can't bring myself to take my eyes off of her. We tell her all the time that she smells like an angel...literally she uses the same shampoo as me, but I never smell that good. She has a Heaven-scent:) And even here, she smells good. Her recovery will have hills and bumps in the road I'm sure, but we are so thankful for this girl...we are so thankful for all of you that have called, messaged, texted, sent gifts and most of all for the prayers. We can truly feel them, and when I tell Effie how many people are praying for her, she smiles her sweet shy smile only the way she can. One of the texts I received today told me how the teachers in her grade gathered around her desk this morning before school and prayed for her...writing that even now brings me to tears. Those teachers were placed in our life for a reason.
We will continue to walk by faith...even on those days we cannot see it. Please continue to hold my sweet Effie Rose up in prayer in the days and weeks to come. This was the first big obstacle on our little broken road...but I know He has a plan for her in all of this and I'm so thankful that my plan and His were the same today.