About five years ago, maybe when she was around four... Effie was telling us "I'm gonna go see Jesus soon"...those words were followed by her telling us, "I know you'll be sad, but you'll be ok".
For weeks I put her in a "mommy bubble" and could not hardly let her out of my sight. I remember posting the comments somewhere and declaring "I'm not ready to give her up...she is mine". A beloved high school friend was quick to remind me "She was His first". Those words really hit home, and I knew right away it was true, but it didn't make the thought of her going away any easier.
As we head into a surgery on such a delicate area of my sweet girl, I ask that God take care of her while she's in surgery, and I beg him to keep her here. The surgery is typically highly successful, and while complication rates are low, this mama is still super anxious. As the evening has pushed on, I'm speechless. I just don't have any words...a silent tear slips from my eye every now and then when I let my mind wander. A dear friend brought a gift over today...wooden prayer crosses with cards. We each filled out one and tucked it away. Effie's simply said "Please take away the fear. Amen." She's been very active today...almost hyper...it has to be a coping mechanism because it's out of character for her. At dinner, she took one bite and that was it. Any time quiet let itself in, she started to become anxious...she wants so much to not be afraid. It's the fear of the unknown that gets us. I saw that in laboring women too...the fear itself is what lets you lose control. I'm praying so hard that God eases her fear...this little girl is already so very brave! I won't be able to go all the way to the OR with her...just to a certain point where they turn a corner. My prayer is that the medicine they give her in pre-op makes her sleep. I don't think I can bear to watch her crying in fear rolling away from me.
I sandwiched an old quilt top together today..something to occupy my time. We do feel your love and your prayers...each and every one is appreciated so very much!