Am I the student or the teacher? A lesson in extending mercy and grace.

God’s mercies are new today…and every day.

So, why do I have such a hard time finding that same grace and mercy for my children when one of them makes a poor choice? You’d think 19 years of mothering, I’d have mastered this by now…but the challenge has proved that I certainly haven’t. I mess up all the time…I’m less than I want to be…and yet I know that God has so much grace for me…literally on the daily.

My heart is so heavy right now for a poor choice one of my kids made, and I’ve spent the better part of the day angry, disappointed, and frankly worked my way through a not-so-soft box of tissues. Then, riding down the road later, Micah Tyler reminded me of God’s grace…and those mercies being new each and every day. Meanwhile, a friend reminded me that I can be upset and punish without it lingering and losing what could be other precious moments with them. I’m so thankful for that gentle reminder.

We leave for the beach soon, and I refuse to lose any of the fleeting moments I have left with my kiddos over anger. It’s time to punish, and love with grace at the same time. So, I’ll do that, then I’m gonna bookmark this very blog entry so it’s handy the next time I need a reminder. Because, let’s face it, this won’t be the last time I’m angry or disappointed.

I’ve let my kids down more times that I could ever count, but one thing is certain…they have ALWAYS had grace for me. So really, who is the student and who is the teacher?? Why is it easier for them than it is for me? I know their love for me isn’t any stronger than my love for them? Is it that the weight of responsibility of raising good, productive members of society that’s on my mind when they mess up? Does it make me feel like I’m not parenting the right way, and am I taking my anger and frustrations out on them for my own shortcomings in parenting?

I truly don’t have all the answers. Although, most of the time I feel like Matt and I have nearly succeeded in the parenting journey…it’s the moments that plant seeds of doubt that will drive us the craziest, and for some of those that drive isn’t as far as it is for others;) (I’m raising my hand here!)

For now, the number of full family vacations we have in our future is limited. Whether it be sharing them with other family through relationships or marriage, their jobs, or the tragedy life sometimes takes, we can all face the reality that that number dwindles each year. So for this next week, I’m going to hold fast to consistent punishment that has nothing to do with how much love I can give or how much fun we will still have together. We are going to learn hard lessons from mistake made, and push forward with a drive to be better humans.

God has already extended his mercy in the asking Him for forgiveness…it’s time I learn to do the same.