Today was a weird day for me...3 days after Christmas and I think I'm still tired and in a sugar coma from all the goodies I always like to make. I woke up before anyone else in the house this morning and just didn't sleep well with things on my mind last night...that always makes the day seem super long. And what's with insomnia in your late 30s...and now 40?! I swear on nights that I'm the most tired, that's when I'm wide awake at 3am...finally doze off at 5 or so, only to need to be up by 6:30 through the week. Oh well, sleep is for the weak...at least that's what my body must think.
After walking in this evening, Matt shared their journey with me...I had him running a couple of errands in Hamilton today...paying taxes, renewing business license...all the fun stuff with kids:) . I felt more normal when there was reports of whining, complaining, and losing "it"...you all know what that is. You've heard the saying adult people say when their kids are all grown and their memory is faded...."the days are long but the years are short"...today was a long day...for me and for Matt.
I stopped to grab a couple of things on the way home, and from the minute I walked in, I swear "mama" was called every 2 minutes. I am so dang happy to see them when I walk in the door EVERY SINGLE time, but I swear some days, I nearly walk right back out after half an hour or so. Today, that's how I felt, but I had things to do, so I did what any normal mom should do...I poured a glass of wine and I pushed through. About an hour in to being home, Effie and Cullen were up to something...making "tickets" and putting a private "do not enter" sign on her door. The lights were out...she was all dressed up in a second-hand dance recital get-up, and it wasn't long before we were all informed that at 7:30 "sharp" we had to attend a "party"...we had to have our ticket and it wasn't optional that we come. I was intrigued, but felt rushed to finish up some things, and hoped whatever we were in for wouldn't last long.
You see, in the midst of a rough day, I had lost sight of what's important. It's what I've worked so hard to see this past year...being with my kids and not being pulled in directions that takes me away from family. I needed that reminder today. Cullen was her sidekick tonight, so it was me, Carson and Matt that filed in and took a seat in her room. In the corner of her room was the new karaoke machine that Santa brought...the lights were out, and there was this little girl climbing up on the bed with her microphone...Cullen was her choreographer and sound person.
The music starts...it's Taylor Swift...because in my house she is Effie's first ,and usually only, choice to listen to. It's an older album...she likes them all...she has them all. As the music starts to play, it's dark and I wonder how we are really supposed to see her well...the lights from the karaoke machine are flashing, but that's it...when suddenly as the music gets a little faster and louder, Cullen turns on a flashlight and starts flashing it on the ceiling and around...even using the sequins from a pillow to make scattered lights on the ceiling above her...it's a concert. They've been in her room for more than an hour secretly working on it...it couldn't be more perfect. It's not even 30 seconds in, and the feelings of being rushed and frustrated fade away...THIS...this is where I'm supposed to be, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be. The 513 times that "mama" was called when I walked in the door, suddenly were forgotten and didn't matter. It didn't take long for my eyes to fill with tears and a salty steam to slip out and roll down my cheek.
It's funny how life works and how God sneaks in a moment like this on days that we really are struggling. I'm so thankful for the reminder today...I'm thankful for this girl that can dance around on her bed, and for her little brother that likes to hear her sing, and was willing to trigger lights, find songs and flash his flashlight for special effects over her. It's funny to watch him when she sings...most of the time he's bouncing around, but when she's doing her entertaining, he just sits in wonder. I'll attempt to load a small video clip of her...in the background you'll see a one-and-only art picture of Effie and Taylor...the great Dylan Ross drew that for a birthday gift for her a couple of years ago when we were gifting her Taylor Swift concert tickets..she loves it. What she doesn't know yet, is that she'll be going again this year! It'll be a gift for her birthday...actually probably the only gift from us for her birthday...they're floor seats and they didn't give them away. It was a splurge for a little girl who truly appreciates every gift. Two years ago, we met Taylor's mom and she invited Effie to a special area...Effie dreams of meeting Taylor...it'll probably never happen, but she keeps dreaming and I'll dream with her...if I can listen to these little concerts and get that dose of just what I need from time to time, maybe one day she'll get that little dose of something special when she least expects it too.